My Cold Heart
by TwilightLovarr
Summary: Takes place after the Cullens vote for Bella's mortality. Rosalie is upset and angry with herself after the danger she put Alice, Edward and Bella in. One shot.


**Hello everyone! I made up a new oneshot. It takes place after the Cullens vote about Bella's humanlife. Rosalie is upset about the fact that Edward, Alice and Bella were in danger and she thinks that she doesn't deserve anything. **

**I do not own the Twilight Saga**

**Enjoy!**

**Rosalie's POV  
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My cold heart

I couldn't take it anymore. 'I'm going for a.... run,' I murmured and I ran out the door. Straight to the woods. I couldn't stand it anymore to face them. Bella, Edward and Alice. They were almost dead because of me. Because of my stupid mistake. I loathed myself terribly. Bella forgave me easily, so easy that it almost hurt. And Edward... I didn't even wanted to think about him. He just simply hated me. Alice... Alice said that it was okay, that I just trusted her visions too much. Like that would help. I knew that deep inside her she was disappointed in me. And I deserved it.

I had a hard time with Bella, with accepting her as our new member of our family. But I never really understood her, I never really tried either. But it was like she didn't try to understand me either, can't she just stay human except for throwing her life away like it's nothing? I didn't hate her, I never did. Really. I just couldn't understand her point. But now, after this... After she was brave enough to save my brother after my stupidity... I owed her a lot.

I already apologized for what I did, but I didn't feel any good. Like I saying sorry wasn't enough... Of course it wasn't enough, but you know what I mean, right? I think that it would take a while before I could forgive myself. I wanted to cry, to scream and yell. I wanted to be punished, to be yell at. But at the same time I wanted their sympathy, there love, there trust and there patient. I didn't deserve it.

Bella was great in the eyes of my family. Carlisle and Esme were proud at their new daughter and they loved her. Alice had a new best friend and it was like she totally forgot about me. Emmett had the little sister he always wanted and he liked to tease her. Jasper... Jasper and I shared a strong bond and sometimes it felt like we were real twins. Nobody in the family really understands our bond. But after I put Alice in danger like that... I guess that even Jasper was done with me. Again, after my stupidity, I deserved it.

I kept running until I arrived at a river. I stared at the water who flowed past. I listened at the birds who were singing. I smelt the flowers and trees and other plants who surrounded me. I felt the breeze go past me. I almost tasted the nature on my tongue. Normally I would enjoy it. I would enjoy the water, the birds, the trees and plants, the breeze. But now I couldn't even enjoy the fact that everything was back to normal again. I loathed myself terribly and terribly.

Royce and his friends had beat me and had broken me. Emmett had healed me and loved me. But it was now my wounds were ripped open again. I always played the cold hearted one. The one that didn't care of anything but herself and family. It was all because of Royce. I wanted to protect myself from getting hurt again, and I thought that with playing the cold hearted one, I would protect myself. Maybe I protect myself from getting hurt again, I didn't realize that I hurt my family with that role. I was a horrible person.

'Rose!' I heard someone say my name. I didn't turn around. I knew it was Emmett. 'Rose, are you all right?' I heard him ask me from behind.

Finally I turned around to face my gorgeous husband. 'I'm fine,' my voice was emotionless.

'No you're not,' Emmett knew me better than anyone else. But even he didn't understand the pain I was enduring now. He knew I was truly sorry, but he didn't understand that for me it wasn't enough. That three, yes three, of my siblings almost died, all because of me. 'What's wrong?'

'I can't face them, Emmett,' I whispered to him. 'I can't face Edward or Bella or Alice, I just can't,' I shook my head frustrated.

'Why?' nobody understood me. Nobody.

'You don't understand me!' I suddenly yelled. I started sobbing. Emmett stepped closer but I stepped back. 'Please, Emmett,' I held out my palms. 'Listen to me before you try to comfort me,' Emmett nodded. His eyes were filled with concern and sadness. 'Alice, Edward and Bella were almost _dead_, okay? Dead. They were almost dead because of me. How can I ever face them again? How can I face Carlisle or Esme when they know that I was the one who almost killed three of their kids, how can I face Jasper when he knows that I almost killed his soul mate,' I lowered my voice now. 'How can I face you when I almost killed three of your siblings?' the last part was nothing then a whisper.

'It was a mistake Rose,' Emmett said quietly.

'If the Volturi killed them, do you still call it a _mistake_?' I whispered disbelieved.

'If the Volturi killed them then it would be a whole other story,' Emmett protested.

'Exactly, because if the Volturi killed them then why would I even stay on this earth too?'

Emmett eyes widened. 'You don't know what you're saying, Rose,' he murmured.

'I exactly know what I'm saying!' I started sobbing again. 'If my sibling would be dead because of me then I wouldn't want to live anymore. Then I could never, _ever_, face anyone again. I'm nothing more than a shallow, vain and selfish brat, Emmett,' Emmett opened his mouth to protest but I beat him. 'My biological parents _broke_ me, Royce and his damn friends _broke_ me, my beauty _broke_ me. Don't you understand it Emmett?' I whispered the last part. 'Don't you understand that I'm born to be _broken_?'

Emmett shook his head desperately. 'Rose, you're not born to be broken. Yes, you made a huge mistake. But you can't go back in the time to change it, it happened. It already happened. If you didn't call Edward then Bella and Edward wouldn't be back together again,' Emmett said quietly. 'Don't you understand it Rose? It all makes sense. You was meant to be broken to earn a place in this family.'

'Which place?' I blurred out. 'I don't have any place in this family. All because of Bel-' I trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence.

'What?' Emmett asked. 'All because of Bella?' he asked disbelieved. 'B... but why?'

'Don't you understand it Emmett? Since Bella came into this family everyone is happier. Carlisle and Esme have a new perfect daughter, like Alice. Edward has finally found his love and it nothing more than happy. Alice has found a new best friend and forgot about me. Jasper is happy because Alice is happy and you...' I swallowed. 'You're always happy when she is visiting us. You're always teasing her and I don't know what. I'm trying to like her but then this all happened...' I placed my face in my hands.

'Rose,' Emmett whispered. 'I never wanted you to excluded.'

'But I _am_ excluded, Emmett!' I let my hands fall from my face to look at him. 'I have no place in this family. I'm only hurting them. I mean, think about it Emmett, why did you ever chose me?' I asked him quietly.

'What... what do you mean?' this overwhelmed Emmett.

I spread my arms. 'From all the girls in the world, from the million and million girls in the world, why did you ever chose me?' I inhaled deeply. 'I saved you because I loved you the moment I laid my eyes on you, but just can't understand why you ever loved me back. You're the world to me, Emmett, you're the universe to me, the center of my existence, I want you to have the best and I'm not the best. You see, I only hurt the people I love and-'

'Rosalie,' Emmett suddenly interrupted me. I looked confused at him, Emmett never used my whole name unless there was something. 'Rosalie, you don't know what you're saying,' Emmett chuckled humorless. 'You think that _not_ loving you is the best for me? Rose, the first time _I_ laid my eyes on you I thought you were an Angel, an Angel who was send to bring me to heaven. When I woke up from my change you were even more beautiful then I remembered. When you an Carlisle explained what happened I didn't care, the only thing what I cared for was you. Vampire or not, I was glad that my thoughts were true,' I frowned at the last part but he held out his palms as sign that he wasn't done yet. 'You _are_ an Angel, the Angel who saved me and you always be. Everyone makes mistakes Rose, even Angels.'

I was left speechless after what he said. I finally found my voice again and spoke: 'But that doesn't change the fact that my siblings were almost dead because of me,' I whispered.

'No, Rose, not because of you,' Emmett said. 'Alice had a vision, she told you about it and you wanted to tell Edward. You only wanted the family to be normal again. You wanted Edward to be back with us again. That isn't selfish Rose. You trusted Alice's vision and you wanted Edward back, is that selfish?'

Again, I was left speechless. But this time I couldn't think of a reply. I knew that Emmett was right, but I was still feeling horrible for what I did. After Edward left the family wasn't normal again. Carlisle and Esme missed their son and we missed our brother. Even if he was annoying and even if he irritated me sometimes and even if we did fight sometimes, it doesn't change the fact that he was my brother.

'Come here,' Emmett spread his arms and I ran into it. I sobbed into his chest while he rubbed my back softly with his hand. With his other hand he brushed his hand through my hair while he whispered sweet nothings in my ear. I didn't know how long we stood there but I finally stopped sobbing. 'I know you're sorry, everyone knows. And that's why we all forgave you so easily, because you didn't wanted to put them in danger. You only wanted the family to be normal again,' Emmett reassured me. Suddenly he chuckled. 'If I wasn't there to stop you, you would go to Italy and fight all the Volturi guards including Aro, Marcus and Caius to save your siblings,' I couldn't help but chuckle quietly at the last one.

'Thank you. I love you,' I whispered.

'Okay, just one thing,' Emmett placed his fingers under my chin so our eyes would meet. 'Don't you ever dare to say those kind of things again. _You_ are my life and I want nothing more to be with you. Okay?' I nodded. 'I will love you till the end of the world and even then I will always be yours.'

I wrapped my arms around his neck. 'You're mine and nobody can ever love you like I love you. Royce broke me but you healed me, I owe you everything for that. I promise to love you and to be always at your side,' i whispered before I closed the gap between us and captured his lips with mine. We were locked in long and passionate kiss until Emmett pulled back. To my disappointed.

'I'm sorry, baby. But I think that the others will be worried if we stay here any longer,' he said when he noticed my disappointment.

I totally forgot about the others. I still didn't wanted to face them, but I knew I had to. 'Okay,' I gave him one last peck on the lips before I grabbed his hand. We ran through the trees and we were in no time back to the house. I bit my bottom lip when I and Emmett walked into the house.

'Oh, you're finally back!' I was surprised when Esme pulled me in a hug. 'I was so worried about you,' she gave me a worried look like every mother would do when they're worried about their child. 'Alice told us about a vision she had of you and Emmett in the woods.'

I shared a look with Emmett. 'W... what did she say?' I stumbled.

'Everything,' it was Carlisle who answered. Suddenly every member except for Edward and Bella - Bella was member of the family now too - in the room. 'She told us about how sorry you were and that you think that you have no place in this family,' I bowed my head in shame. Emmett squeezed my hand.

'Rose, we love you like we love all of our children,' Esme said. 'The only reason why we give Bella and Edward more attention is because Edward was always alone. We hated it to see him alone why we all had our mates. You have a special place in this family, like everyone here. And remember, you always be a little bit more special because you were my first daughter,' I smiled shyly at my mother.

'I know we didn't do a lot when Edward met Bella,' Alice said quietly. 'I'm sorry for that. I was just too excited, you know me,' we all chuckled. 'But you always be my best friend, my first sister. Okay?' I nodded and Alice pulled me in a hug. 'You already apologized to Bella and Emmett already explained you why you don't have to feel sorry, so please, don't be upset anymore.'

I pulled back and looked at my family. 'Thank you,' I whispered.

I loved every member of my family, including Bella. Maybe my family forgave me, but I didn't forgive myself _yet_. But I knew that I will someday. The most important thing was that everything was back like normal again, with our newest member. I didn't maybe agree with all her decisions like becoming one of us, I knew that I saw her like my little sister.

But everything was back like normal again. I had my soul mate in Emmett and I finally realized that I_ had_ my place in this family, even after my mistake. Like Emmett said:

Even Angels make mistakes.

**--------  
I hope you liked it!**

**Thank you.**


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